I would like to share with you an extract from the speech I delivered to our Year 12s (Shichvat Lavi) at last night’s Graduation Dinner:

So Shichvat Lavi, your time has come. You have reached graduation and are ready to be let loose on an unsuspecting world.

Many of you have had B’nei Mitzvah, indeed one of you did with us just this year. So I thought I’d like to contextualise today as the next big rite of passage for you.

Dr Arne Rubinstein, founder of The Rites of Passage Institute began exploring coming of age as a means of overcoming some of the challenges that are typically faced by adolescents in the Western world. In developing his model he researched ceremonies that occur around the world.

In a TEDx talk he described that “the young Masai Warrior had very elaborate ceremonies where they would have to go out with a spear and kill a lion or a wild animal. In Vanuatu the community would build these enormous bamboo towers 30m high. The whole community would come out and the young person would tie a vine around their ankle and jump off.”

Rubinstein describes that Fani women from West Africa had tattoos put on their faces, done with a sharpened piece of wood and women had to not flinch while it was being done. Maori have all sorts of tribal tattoos put on their faces and on their bodies. The Sateré-Mawé tribe in Brazil had young men put their hands in special gloves which were full of bull ants which had the most painful bites of all and then they had to dance around wearing these gloves showing no signs of any pain.

The Hamar men in Ethiopia have very elaborate ceremonies witnessed by the whole community and at the end they had to jump over four bulls and then they were considered a young man.

Now we are not asking you to jump over bulls or put your hands into bull ant gloves, but the process of finishing school is a significant rite of passage that marks a serious transition into adulthood.

From now on, you really will be accountable for your own actions and decisions. There will be no benevolent reminders from your loving teachers regarding punctuality, appropriate dress or following up on your work.

This is one of the key differences in post-school life. You will be accountable to yourselves and required to take ownership of your decisions and choices.

Ultimately the adult world is one that I am sure that you will thrive in. I believe the ingredient that you will most require to do so is integrity.

I view integrity as ensuring that your actions align with your values. The truth is that we are all hypocrites – we are not machines – and we do compromise our standards at times. But being an adult is trying to dial this hypocrisy down as much as possible and trying to be the best version of yourself that you can be.

I am confident that in partnership with your parents we have instilled strong values in you. So I ask that moving forward you find the requisite integrity to align your actions with these values. This may mean making unpopular and unappealing decisions. It might mean overcoming laziness, peer pressure and your comfort zone.

Whatever choices you make I remind you that the thing that you can never do wrong is treating others with dignity and compassion. We have tried to indoctrinate you all with this message and if you take it on you will make your lives much healthier, happier and more successful.

I want to share an anecdote that I have heard regarding a unique employment process once employed at Google. As I am sure that you are aware there are literally tens of thousands of job applicants whenever Google lists an availability. They are overwhelmed by requests for cadetships. The company advertised for a position and, as usual, received a huge number of applicants. Of these applicants a long list was drawn up and then this was carefully scrutinised and slowly whittled down to a short list. These were invited to a cadetship program at the institution.

They spent a week in the luxury offices which included in-house catering provided by a specialist caterer and all-you-can-eat snacks. All individual dietary needs and preferences were carefully provided for.

They had to undertake work simulations, group challenges and problem solving activities. At the end of the week, the applicants were to have their interviews. You can only imagine how they prepared for every question with case studies and examples which showed them in their best light. One by one, the applicants were brought into a private interview room. They sat down nervously in front of an intimidating panel of interviewers. After some time one of the interviewers asked them a question. Unbeknownst to the candidates this was to be the only question asked in the interview.

The question was “What is our caterer’s name?”

Now the caterer never wore a name tag but had interacted with each of the candidates a couple of times a day throughout their internship. Despite this, only one candidate knew the caterer’s name. And, of course, this was the successful candidate.

At the end of the day, Google knew that if they collected the top 50 candidates out of tens of thousands that they would each have outstanding proficiency and abilities. They decided, however, that to distinguish amongst the excellent candidates they were interested in another element which was demonstrated through the question. This was the capacity to be a good person, a mensch.

Now, there are obvious flaws in this process and I do not really think that the question they asked accurately demonstrates the candidate’s capacity for goodness but I like the story because it shows that when we think about what it is that is most likely to deliver long term success, it is the quality of the relationships fostered.

I truly believe that our school has celebrated your individuality and you have been blessed to be among others who know you for who you are. Please use your diverse skills, passions and interests to drive forward your life’s journeys.

As Pablo Picasso once said: “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.”

So Shichvat Lavi, I hope that you embrace this passage into adulthood with the extraordinary unique traits that you have fostered in school and go out into the big wide world with open hearts and care for others. I can’t wait to see the difference you will make.

Shabbat Shalom,
Marc Light