In the coming weeks we will celebrate what is a very special time for many children at the School with our Grandparents and Special Friends Shabbatot. Across the School, our children mark Shabbat every week. While it is a part of our normative practice, inviting grandparents along makes the occasion far more significant.

While the Shabbat songs, role plays and activities are adorably cute, it is also important work. This is Jewish identity development in action and our grandparents play a hugely significant role in marking the time as special through making space in their day and ensuring that they are present to catch the special moments. This shows our youngest students that there is something valuable about being involved in their heritage and developing the capacity to meaningfully participate.

Our sacred Jewish texts are conspicuously quiet on the enormous importance of grandparents especially given their common place at the heart of family ritual. However, there is a repeated obligation to teach Torah to your children and “your children’s children”.

One important story relates to an elderly Jacob (by then known as Israel) meeting Joseph’s sons for the first time: “So Joseph brought them to him, and he kissed them and embraced them. And Israel said to Joseph, “I never expected to see you again and here God has let me see your children as well.”

Here Israel’s wondrous and joyful reaction to his grandchildren carries a sense of the multiplication of joy that is said to come with grandparenthood. The wonderment of the promise of Jacob’s lineage is also present. For me it calls to mind an imaginary conversation that I have in my head with my Grandmother’s beloved Grandfather. When my Grandmother made her final farewell to him immediately before the Shoah as she escaped to the other end of the planet, I am sure he would have harboured doubts about the future of his family. I wish someone could have told him of the flourishing Jewish life of his grandchildren and their grandchildren too as I am sure it would have been an incredible blessing.

I once read a report that suggested that grandparents often play a vital role in the psychological development of children by first introducing them to conspiracy. Sneaking a lolly into a pocket and stating “don’t tell your parents”, is a safe way to establish the concept of secrets and also the understanding of different and differing sources of authority.

Last week, journalist Julia Baird, wrote a moving piece in The Age entitled “Grandmother hypothesis revisited: the women who fill our children’s most human needs”. Baird cited numerous studies which prove that grandmothers play a vital role in the healthy development of their grandchildren. She states: “scientists have now established, the support – and good health – of grandmothers are crucial to the long lives, and health, of their kids, and grandkids.” She continues: “Studies have shown: mothers of young children are as much as 10 per cent more likely to have paid employment if a grandmother lives nearby; almost all grandparents financially assist their grandkids; and kids who are close to grandparents are less likely to be depressed as adults… Research shows living close to those grandparents is crucial.”

Baird explained a study which mapped activity in grandmothers’ brains as they were shown pictures of their grandchildren. It proved that there is a special neurological reaction that aligns with the extraordinary empathy and love that lies at the basis of these important relationships.

At King David we are well aware that our students’ identities are anchored in the love and support of their families and community. Through inviting our grandparents to play a meaningful role in our students’ peak experiences – be that through Shabbatot, graduations, soirees or performances – we can harness the unique power of the grandparent-grandchild bond to help our students develop their emerging senses of self.

Shabbat Shalom,

Marc Light